Scenes from the Library

[It is mid-afternoon in the campus library, the sky is bright and blue outside, and the verdant green of the trees is tinged with the yellow of Fall. A patron approaches the desk. She is of medium height. A vacuous expression is on her face, and her brown bangs are drawn away from her forehead by a clip in her hair. A piece of white gum can be seen migrating about her cow-like mouth in between phrases.]

Andy: Hi, can I help you?
Girl: I'm, uh, looking for a physics book.
Andy: [trying to mask the weariness of telling people too look up their own damn call numbers again and again] Do you know the call number for it?
Girl: [completely confused] Uh... What?

[Andy's look of disbelief is barely concealed.]

Andy: Um, you know. The call number for the book? The thing you look it up with?
Girl: No, but I know what color it is.

[Andy is usually patient with this type of patron, and will often look up the number himself, but this is a special exception.]

Andy: Ok. Well, there's a computer right over there where you can look that up for yourself.
Girl: [annoyed] Alright.

[A handful of beats pass as the Girl walks over to the catalogue computer.]

Girl: Uh, this thing isn't working.
Andy: Excuse me?
Girl: [louder] The computer isn't working; it's, like, shutting down or something.
Andy: Ok, then I'll look it up. What's the name of the professor?
Girl: [pausing, deep in thought] Crach.

[Andy searches through the catalogue for the name. No professor named Crach is found.]

Andy: [wearily, rotating the computer monitor around to show the Girl] Well, it doesn't look like he's here. What's the name of the course?
Girl: Ummmm, Intro to Physics.

[Andy searches the catalogue by class. There isn't a single physics class listed.]

Andy: [sighing a little] No luck there either. What's the name of the book?
Girl: "Physics."

[Somewhere in the distance the clanging of a final nail being pounded into a coffin can be heard. The book is, of course, not found.]

Andy: Well, I can't find it, but maybe if you can look it up for yourself and bring me the call number we can help you out.
Girl: [still not getting it] But it's a physics book.
Andy: [now incapable of being surprised or phased] Yeah, but there are at least a hundred books back there, so without the call number I can't find it.
Girl: Fine.

Curtain.